23 April 2015
Mr Jack Sampson
39 Hamilton
Ashton 0697
Thank you for your email of 23 April advising me of your concerns regarding customer service. I apologize for the trouble, I'm gonna give the sales staff a warning it won't happen again. Thank you for letting me know.
I apologize once again for the trouble, will make sure our sales staff won't be impolite to other costumers.
Sales Manager
Hello hillary I am here to evaluate your external correspondence practice.
ReplyDeleteI find that the length of this post is very short with no introduction or conclusion sandwiching the actual letter so I would recommend adding them in as a way to let people know what is going on.
I would suggest attempting to improve your grammar through grammarly or in whatever way you can.
I have also found that you have left out a few pieces of information regarding what is stated in the brief to include like the $50 gift voucher.
I also suggest that you have an introduction to the letter itself and go more into detail as a whole to give it a professional feel.
I also find that the address details are incomplete at the top and you should have another look at the learner guide along with the sign off at the end which is also needed.
In conclusion I would recommend that you go into slightly more detail in the letter along with including an introduction and conclusion to the post itself so the audience knows what is going on. I also suggest expanding your vocabulary and grammar to make it feel more polished. Also include all the various credentials and items listed in the brief.
I hope that you found this information helpful and I did not come off as offensive. I will say that this is a solid 1st draft and I hope the second will be 100x greater
kind regards
Casey M